How to Thrive Together after 30+ years of marriage.
We have been married for over thirty years by God's grace. Both of us could reflect on the marriages of our grandparents as examples of enduring relationships. In addition to seeing our grandparents' example, we went through a six week pre-marital counseling session with our Pastor. When young people are in love and dating, they tend to have blind spots when it comes to their significant others. Christian counseling better prepares the couple to have a more realistic understanding of the commitment of marriage and the testimony that it presents to the world. In Ephesians 5, we are told that marriage represents Christ's relationship to His church.
Every relationship where two people come together for a common purpose will be tested. We would suggest that no relationship is tried more than the one between husband and wife. In Ephesians 5, the husband is told to love his wife, and the wife, in turn, is supposed to respect her husband. This is counter to what the world teaches, so there is no wonder why the divorce rate is high in this country. We would venture to say this past year with the pandemic has presented married couples with more challenges than usual. Households across the country have been disrupted as the school year was impacted, workers lost jobs, and many states mandated families to stay home.
With this in mind, here are some things that got us through 33 years of marriage, but especially during these last twelve months. First, despite all that is going on in the world, in this country and in the home, we take time to praise God. We are to encourage one another, and so much more as we see trying/evil days approaching (Hebrews 10). When one of us was down, the other usually reminded the other who our Father is, and what He has promised. God is sovereign, and nothing happened, is happening or will happen that takes Him by surprise! Therefore, praising God for His many attributes and the promises He made to us is critical to having the proper perspective. You can easily find fault in your spouse, but wouldn't it be better to praise God for blessing you with a spouse?
Next, as Renita can attest to, prayer is also essential. As we grow spiritually, we realize that we should do nothing before prayer. As we say at Grace Alive, "Prayer must be our First Response, not the Last Resort!" We can recall that one of the first times that we prayed collectively and faithfully was when we wanted to start a family. God answered our prayers, but He did so in a way that never crossed our minds. Today, we have two sons, a daughter-in-law and two grandchildren due to His grace and faithfulness. We encourage every couple to consider nothing as too small or insignificant in your marriage to take to God in prayer. Also, be sure that your prayers go beyond your own household.
It should go without saying, but communication is vital to a long lasting marriage. Prayer is communicating with God, and the next step is communicating with one another. We learned the importance of that when we picked up and relocated from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to Orlando, Florida almost a year after getting married. We were strangers in a foreign land, and all the comfort and familiarity of family and friends were gone. However, we had the opportunity to spend more time with each other. There is still opportunity for improvement in this area, but the essential things is to keep working at it. Communicate and do it well.
A marriage is also strengthened when you try to outdo each other in serving. You must serve God first, then our spouses, families, and our community. We are fortunate to be part of a community group and look for opportunities to serve others. The group has been a blessing to us, and at times, we realize that we were being stretched to look beyond our small family to the family of God. In today's environment, it is important to remind others that they are not alone and belong to a community of individuals who love one another.
There are several other things that we can share about how to have a marriage that lasts "until death do you part". We challenge each of you to consider others (including your spouse) more highly than yourself (Philippians 2:3). You'll be amazed at how God will be with you and your family through it all.