Reflections of The Newness of Parenthood
From Crystal
When I first became a follower of Jesus, I was eager and zealous for this new life I was given and called to with Jesus. My eyes and heart were so in awe of loving Jesus and making his name known for what he had done in my life. I had a new sense of direction and motivation, new taste buds for what God would require of me, and new affections of obeying Jesus. I was eager to get my hands and feet busy toward whatever or however I could serve him. I was excited for this ideal disciple I would be for Jesus.
I soon discovered that having found this newfound joy and grace in Jesus also came with the struggle of seeing and fighting my own sin and dying daily. I kept having to realized there was still a perfecting work that needed to be done in me as I journeyed to know and love my new savior. I was maturing along the journey with the joy of God’s love and grace, truth, and hardship. Embracing those new realities made a lifelong personal discovery of discipleship a grace-seeking and grace-dependent one.
As I entered parenthood, my eyes saw much of the same reality I journeyed through as a new believer. The gift and call of Jesus to nurture and rear children toward Him. The joy and zeal of having new babies (twin girls, to be exact.) The excitement and bounciness of expectations of being the best mom I could be for them. The new sense of direction and motivation of having kids. Fresh taste buds and affections of the sweetness of motherhood and newborns. Oh, the eagerness to get my hands and feet too busy to meet my expectations of a godly parent.
But then parenthood has its hardship. The emotional up and downs of thinking you know what you’re doing then having no clue what you’re doing in a given moment. Sleepless nights and tired days and can roll right over into the next day. The rearing glimpse of sin and disobedience is seen in children, yes, even babies—the fight of shame and defeat from your heart. Oh man, the mirror of your own failure and sin as we nurture new and unruly hearts.
Embracing all those new realities of joy and hardship makes parenthood a grace-seeking and grace-dependent journey, just as it did for me as a new believer. If we choose to, though. The fog of hardship in a given moment can warp the view and our heart’s joy if we are not needy for or dependent on the grace and seen through better lenses – God’s story.
I have to admit. That’s hard. Especially as a new mom with twin girls. Double mayhem at a moment’s notice. I can’t count the times of the struggle of fighting the temptation to pour out my unrepentant sin and frustration on my children or spouse from the hard moments, tiredness, and daily busyness of work and family rearing. Every single day is new. New with the outcome of expected schedules, temperaments, and spiritual and emotional reserves.
My eyes need better lenses and a contrite heart often. As often as I make the time to see God in my journey as a parent and trust his grace, he has weaved every hard and joyous moment into His story. So, I zoomed back out of my small world often. To see that in parenthood, the moments of daily hardship do not mean the whole journey is ruin and without joy. Just as in God’s story with his people there are many moments of difficulty, disobedience, and many moments of rescue, joy, and praise. God is with them through the very moment, even if the people didn’t remember he was.
My young children and I are both on the same new path. Everything is new to them, just as it is to us as new parents. I forget that. I try to remember that to care better and extent compassionate grace to them I desperately need from Jesus. There are joys and hardship to growing, developing, learning, and more as a baby and a new parenthood. However, as a parent I am reminded that what’s new to me is not new to God. In his story, he is a master of shepherding new, unrepentant, unruly children. Me. That’s the truth and grace I need now, daily, and tomorrow. And just maybe it’s a truth and grace you need today and along your journey as a parent.
From Alex
My wife and I have come on along a troubled journey to parenthood. The ups and downs of pregnancy and loss have crippled and broke our hearts time after time. So, finally entering into the newness of the journey in parenthood has brought us much gladness and much rejoicing. Looking at my two new little girls, God has given us responsibility for has given my eyes and heart as a dad more grace I didn't know I need. And that overflow of grace I have received I get to pass down to my kids.
Parenthood has made me reflect on my childhood. I saw my father be a great provider, yet I still missed having a spiritual leader for the sake of him only seeing himself as a provider in the workplace. As a new father with my own kids and seeing my identity in Christ as more than a provider, my sense of responsibility with my girls is not merely providing for them but also teaching and owning their spiritual development. That takes time. Making time. Intentional time. I think about my time a lot. That's right, my time. As a new parent, I didn't realize how much I used the word "my" a lot and the hidden selfishness in my own hurt. Growing to know my time is not just my own. I share it and make time bend to the people and times I love the most and called to lead first – my wife and kids.
Thankful for God's ways shown me my own heart's brokenness and where I have not "arrived" and fallen short as a parent. I think parenting can look one way in our head but what actually overflows from our heart and how we live is where we are. I often think I "made it" when I got the schedule down just right or successfully spent time with the kids for a consecutive number of hours. But God shows me even in some of those moments, I've centered time with them around me or my ability to keep everything going right.
I am stretched differently as a father than I am as a husband personally and most times spiritually. I have new sets of eyes looking at me, and I know I can't take or shape them anywhere spiritually that I haven't gone myself or invested with Jesus. Well, that's new too. I look at the future a bit more different but purposeful. More dependent, needier for grace, needier for directions, discipline on my "yes" and "no, "and more humbled by saying "his grace is sufficient for me" in a given moment.
I tell my wife and community how amazed I am at Christ. It's a straightforward statement, but that is it for me. I am surprised by Him. No other person has shown me true unconditional love, fatherhood, and friendship despite my own failure and shortcomings the way I had found in Him. No other person has made way for me the way God has. And parenthood has reminded me of all these things about God and more. I have learned very early on in parenthood with my wife how valuable time is and how intentional we need to use it toward the people we love and are influencing the most.
I am not "finding time" for my wife and kids. I make the time. We make the time. We keep it making the time. Just as God has always made and kept time for me.
